Yes, I believe in alternate realities. Seperate consciousnesses. Or perhaps theyre on levels and I'm far to close to see it that way. I don't know. I know the feelings they leave are real. The residue of dreams. I feel it when I wake up. It sticks through me through the entire day, like something is deeply wrong.

I don't know what it is. Sometimes when I'm listening to music, I'll hear a song or a note and they will literally pluck at my heartstrings. I feel the reverberations going through my body into phantom pathways. Neurological nets that could have been, should have been.

How many people am I?

Have I been?

Why do I see windows?

And so much white. It could almost drown me its so overwhelming. Maybe not white, no. Light, though. A religious experience? I don't know, I'm hardly religious. Its never a certain thing. Sometimes when I go places with certain people, or being at a certain place at a certain time, musical notes, smells, the breeze; what are they triggering? I cant do anything about it, is reality forcing me to stop and smell the roses or rubbing my face in the shit of other worlds?

Stained. Whatever it is, its fucking exasperating. I'm not opening anything, I'm not even looking anymore. Is something else trying to open for me, something inside me or beside me, even? What is this love that I carry for something that isn't even real. Not even a material thought. She has black hair, thats all I know.

Sometimes when I'm laying in bed, teetering on the wall of sleep, I can see her outline. In a house, no less. She is in her underwear, but its not sexual. Craving a purely human experience, relationship. Existence and emotion in its purest form of understanding. I get a chance to experiance it every night, turning myself inside out. Upon waking it fades miles faster than it came. Into the grey? the red? the white? Id?

What is in that lockbox.

I feel like I used to know. Did I leave something in there? I don't remember how to get there.

When you are standing up, you know that you are rightside up. Your body knows, your mind knows. This is like that. I'm standing up but it feels like I'm upside down. Every time I try to get up I get blinded by an enourmous light, and missing time. Then I'm stuck again like Roland at the tower. I'm not righting my wrongs, making small changes though. Am I? Are we all? Could this be one of the very minute stationary existences between the events?

I'm not falling. I'm... spinning. Stationary. Out of rotation, psychological orbit has been released? To tight?